Back From Costa Rica!!!

Wow...My blog feels neglected, but when you're out of the country for awhile and come back to soooooooooooooooooooooooo much responsibilities there are some things that get neglected...sigh, my blog is one of them. But not today! It's a new year and I'm turning over a new leaf (or however that expression goes).

So instead of telling you all about my amazing trip to Costa Rica with my sister, Judy, I thought I'd let the pictures speak for themselves. Hope you all enjoy. But before you go on my visual journey with me I will tell you about 1 experience I had.

My return flight back to the US was from the capital, San Jose, and while I waited for my next flight I was staying at a "Ho-Tel Mo-Tel Holiday Inn". Little did I know that right across the street was my Achilles heal. Calling me like a siren. Saying "Come to me Mel!" and do you what it was? A MUCKING CASINO! So what did I do? I was such a baller like Pitbul with all them bitches! (hypothetical bitches of course)... lol well, you know how I roll!

The Fiesta Casino did not live of up to its name. Don't be deceived by its looks. While it's nice from the outside, inside it's tiny as a man with erectile dysfunction..so NOT a party. And THEY DIDN'T HAVE TEXAS HOLDEM! and worse off the people were really not nice! Like so not what I expect from dealers and management. Vegas puts you to shame Fiesta Casino! You all should retire and let people who have heard of smiling take your places.

Now let me tell you that besides my grievances with the staff, it was still not my cup of tea. The

only Poker Game they had was Caribbean Stud. And i H A T E D it! Partly due to my confusion with the rules but mostly due to the lack of man candy! Hell-ooo i mean, what is stud without studs? In the end I broke even but it was not fun and I think it put little wrinkles in my forehead. Sigh* is it wrong to say I would rather be subjected to 2 Girls and 1 Cup than to play Caribbean Stud at the stupid mucking Fiesta Casino? Yes yes I know..2G&1Cup is really gross already, but well, you know what, im just being honest here!

OK. Moving on from my rant against Fiesta Casino and Caribbean Stud. I now present to you all the visually guided tour of my lovely trip to Costa Rica. Please sit back, relax, grab a beer, and enjoy.

KISS

MEL

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Disneyland Casino Coming Soon?

I just got back from Disneyland (it was a toss up between DLand and Vegas.) But anyway I had this revelation while I was there. It all started when I was in Toon Town waiting to shake Mickey's hand. I noticed how the whole point of his life had become centered around taking pictures with little kids and charging them up the A for the pics. And I was like OH SNAP! Mickey has sold his soul to the corporate machine (well this is old news I guess...but I didn't realize how bad it had gotten). So I started to think about when was the last time a Mickey Mouse cartoon came out. Wasn't it like 1939? That bastard quit acting (j/k you know I'm a sucker for you Mickey!)

But anyway if Mickey ever really did "officially resigned from acting," I imagine he would have written a letter like this to the press and public:


Attention Toon Town and my loving fans:

I, Mickey, am leaving the game. I'm on top and it's time to get out. Thus, my days as an actor are over. You are probably wondering why I have come to this conclusion. But shiiiiiiiittt people! I already got my main squeeze, Minnie, I can make more Benjamins taking pictures with crying brats than I can acting, and I got royalties coming my way till Hell freezes over so I'm saying F*CK all you fools! I'm out! I'm taking your money and am going to play poker with it. PROFESSIONALLY! Shit, if Jennifer Tilly can do it, why can't I? I mean for Christ sakes! Do you realize how good my poker face is? You try smiling 50 years straight for booger-picking kids and their obnoxious parents and you'll see how good your poker face gets!

That's right! From this day forward I'm gonna be a poker player and if you see me on the street I'm going to give you all the finger. No more smiling mouse acting all cheery 24 mother f*cking 7! Those days are dead!

And you know what? You're still going to love me! I got my park and will feed you smiling, colorful propaganda and you're going to eat it all up, letting me milk you for all your green. HA Bitches! I'm gonna be an ass to you and you're gonna keep me in a sick ride, Minnie looking fly, my bankroll deep, and expand my Empire! Speaking of empires, look for the Disney Casino coming soon (equipped with Fast Pass entrances and a marketable new line of smiling aces and poker chip characters that will take pictures with your kids.)

In the meantime people of the world (Cali, Orlando, Paris, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Cruise ships, and soon Shanghai), I hope you enjoy the longer wait time in lines, jacked up prices, and my smiling face.

So, call me the Phil Hellmuth of cartoons. Actually, F that. Call Phill Hellmuth the Mickey Mouse of Poker!

PEACE,

M.M.


P.S. Donald and Goofy if you need me, Pluto and I will be down in New Orleans Square playing some Hold'em at Club 33. Time to cash in. I got Joe Cada in my radar... yeah, I remember you Joe! I remember all you brats!

P.P.S. If any of you think I have a gambling problem I will kill you!

P.P.P.S. Buzz Lightyear, I'm coming for ya...

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I MUCKING love the New Super Mario Bros.

Every one on the planet has something that is nostalgic of their childhood. Mine is Super Mario Bros. I never knew how much those two Italian plumbers meant to me until now. Playing the New Super Mario Bros. on Wii was like a trip from memory lane. Sorry if that sounds cheesy but I swear my child hood life flashed before my eyes. From Raccoon Tales to Red Capes. From skipping worlds with keys to flying up to the left in Ghost House #1 to reveal Yoshi's Secret Spot. It was like POW!

Let me repeat POW!!!!! But instead of coins it was Mario Memories.

Today, as I waited patiently like Eric Cartman (not), I couldn't wait for my Nintendo Wii game. "Come on. Come on!" I couldn't take it

any longer. I took a shot of Patron, tried playing some poker...but the time dragged on...and on......and......on.....

Then the mailman came and he said that he didn't have a package

for me. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn you Internet tracking system! You said today was the day! You lied to me!!!!!!!!"

"Stay calm Mel," I told myself. I took another shot and checked my tracking number...it wasn't the regular mail. It was UPS! Yes! Then I heard the truck outside and ran down to get it. Picture me in

slow motion with a grin from ear to ear.

NOW ON TO THE GAME

Wow. That is all I can say is wow. Way cool. MUCKING AWESOME! I could go on and on. But I won't. Words can't describe it. It's Super Mario Brothers 3 / Super Mario World hyped up on Steroids to produce record-breaking home run numbers. Seriously! Check it Out! You move around a map like in Super Mario Brothers 3 and have cool card game levels and Yoshi is back and can eat everything and anything and you can get cool Helicopter Hats and fly like the Red Cape only this time you just have to flick the Wii remote and its mucking awesome and I don't know why I', writing this and not playing it right now and now and now--

...WO! I need to calm down. Got a little excited there...any way,

As I whistle the theme song to myself (which I can't get out of my head) I encourage any fan of the classic Super Mario Brothers to play this game. Especially with some friends, cause YOU ALL CAN PLAY AT THE SAME TIME! Soooo coool!

-Kiss (for Mario and Luigi)

ChickWithChips

P.S. What kind of pants to Mario and Luigi wear?

Answer: Denim denim denim!

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I cut Phil Hellmuth's arm OFF!!!

Seriously, the 11 time WSOP gold bracelet champion had his left arm amputated! It was bloody, gory and caused the Poker Brat some seriously pain...but who would commit such an atrocity, I mean sure he is notorious for having some tantrums at the tables and drinking a bit too much, but still, who would take it that far to cut off his arm...

...well...it was little ol' me! Muhahah!!!!

You see, I have had this desire building up inside me for a WSOP bracelet, and he's got 11 and one just happened to be on his wrist, so I did what any sane person who is craving a gold bracelet would do. And I know many of you are thinking "Shouldn't a girl like you be craving for Prada purses or hot guys?" My answer to these critics is simple "What kind of girl do you think I am!" I'm the Chick With Chips remember. I am one ruthless bi#*! and I want my bracelet!

Or maybe I just have a sick sense of humor because in my latest episode of WhatTheMuck.tv (my poker cartoon series) I came up with the quickest / easiest / dirtiest way to win a gold bracelet and not to mention did what many have wanted to do to the Poker Brat for quite some time...gave him a real reason to cry :P

Here's a screen shot

and if you want to check out the full episode titled, "How to Win a WSOP bracelet" you can check it out at http://whatthemuck.tv

Hope you all enjoy ;)

P.S. Sorry for my lag in updating. I've been one busy ChickWithChips ;)

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BirthdayPalooza!

OK wow, it is mucking amazing how your birthday can set you back a week. Seriously! I feel like the last week was this vortex that swallowed time whole. I mean yeah, I was drunk for most of the week but still! Am I the only one who felt the last week was a blip that might of only sort of happened?

No?

Well I do remember drinks at the O Hotel Wednesday night! So nice getting drunk by the fire side. And on Saturday this little birthday girl (yes, imma talkin bout' me silly) hit up the Hustler Casino. It was so much mucking fun. I had a good buzz going and they had this new cash game table ($1 and $1 blinds with $30.00 Min). All I can say is this was one of the most friendly tables I have ever played at. Maybe it was because the stakes were so low that every one was just there to play. No one was looking for that big Money to increase their bank roll! Which worked well for me since playing intoxicated isn't one of my strong suits. So props to Hustler Casino. They know how to make a girl feel at home!

...

...

Shouldn't I have more memories from my birthweek (I would say birthday but we were essentially partying for 6 days straight!)

Oh ya! I do remember this amazing BDAY cake my girl Sally got me (she's the voice of Debbie Deuce Dallas). This cake had basketball candles. Awe my friends know how much I love the Lakers, makes me feel like they pay attention to me ;)

And I vaguely remember this competitive match of beer pong that transitioned into a nice little home game that some how had me singing Karaoke in the middle of Koreatown by the end of it! Not to mention drunken Rock Band and Mario Kart (Don't drink and drive Mario Karts!).

All and all it was a great week. Got a nice new deck if Pink KEM cards (PINK I KNOW!) FINALLY got my Kobe Bryant one more cookie poster (so disappointing to go to the Lakers Parade and watch with envy as less deserving fans waved the posters like the were God's gift to the Lakers). And most importantly I got to see lots of my friends that always say I'm M.I.A. (I'm sorry but making cartoons is a 24/7 job) So for all the odd and random happy birthday songs that were sung to me (I didn't know there were so many English versions) I just want to say thanks and I can't wait till next year!

Kiss

-Mel

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4 of a Kinds! Straight Flushes! Mucking Madness at the Home Game

Ok so last night we had a little home game (nothing new) but before last night the best hand I'd seen in a long long time was a full house (I actually hit one the night before 5's full of 4's). But a full house is a full house, they come and they go. Usually they win but last night I had a full house and went all in...Ethan called ...with a mucking 4 OF A KIND! Talk about a bad beat.

But that's not the end of it. Oh NO! Far from it...but even if it was I still cant remember the last time I have hit or even seen a 4 of a kind in a game. Yes they happen but just not for me...but back to business...

So a little later in the game Addison went all in with a flop showing 2 spade, 2 diamond, and 4 spade...Ethan and our friend Christie both called, pushing Christie all in as well. Ethan showed his cards, he had trip 2's. Christie had Big Slick...and Addison..what did he have? That mucker had an Ace and 3 of spades...he was on the straight and flush draw, talk about gutsy!

So the turn comes...nothing to exciting for any one.

Now your probably asking "Hey Mel? What about that river?" And I'll simply snicker..."What about that river?"

...what about the river...

...wait for it...

...just a little longer...

...here it comes...just imagine it in slow motion...the dealer (me) burns a card...gently grabs the river...throws it up letting it hover above the table before revealing its value...and then it falls to the table...

5 OF SPADES!!!!!!! Addison hit a mother mucking STRAIGHT FLUSH! That's like one in 64,000! I couldn't believe it. The last time I even remember seeing one was in Casino Royale when that bad guy with the crazy eye hit one, but never in person had I witnessed such a thing....I don't care if he is a river rat, props to Addison (lucky bastard) and his straight flush.

Now the only question is why can't I have that kind of luck...I guess I'm stuck with my full houses. I know I shouldn't complain but I cant help it!!

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Running-a-muck in Sin City: July 4 editon!

Is it wrong if I can't remember if I saw fireworks on 4th of July? I mean It's VEGAS BABY! That's a good reason for clinging to my bed and hating the world Monday morning right? RIGHT!! (Yes it gets 2 !). I warn that words will fail to truly capture this amazing weekend. And when I say weekend I really mean Wednesday till Sunday + Monday to recuperate! That's right! (OK I'm gonna hold back my ! excitement and get to it cause I doubt you want to read me saying ! every! other! word!!!!!)

So as Addy, Ethan and I sat waiting for our ride we got a little antcy. So after a couple cases of Becks Light we said Muck it and decided to play our own hold'em home game! However, the only chips in the house were Sour Cream & Onion Lays... Good thing the three of us are so damn resourceful... We ended up using BecksLight bottle caps!

Ok so we hit the road, I downed 5 hour energy drinks like they were shots of Patron (Yeah I was on a total of 15 hours of Energy if they accumulate) and finally, like wayward travelers, we reached sin city...and OH DID THE SINNING BEGIN!

As soon as we checked into the Rio we were like a blizzard transforming our hotel-maid-service-clean room to a swinging pad, deep stacked with all sorts of delicious poisons. "I take a shot of patron, 2 shots and it's on, 3 shots, 4, shots, 5 shots, oh shit i KNOW I'm gone!" Not sure if it went down exactly like that...it was hard to tell after the 3rd shot. After waking up fresh (sorta) on July 2nd we hit up the start of POKER PALOOZA. Poker Palooza was something that words cant describe. I was in LALA land, seriously it was like Disneyland for the poker lovers. With over 60 exhibitors ranging from bad-ass pimped out card tables to funky poker t-shirts to Jacks Beef Jerky, there was something to be found for everyone.

Oh, and did I mention Poker Palooza was part CARNIVAL! Complete with jousting, sumo wrestling, rock climbing, mechanical bull, basketball hoops, and Wack a Mole (Yep freaking Wack A Mole, I KNOW!)



Yep I got my joust on! Addy that mucker never heard of letting a girl win. Some gentleman he is. At least I got him in the head a few times.

Outside the walls of Poker Palooza the WSOP was going down (seriously the sound of hot poker studs playing with their chips made me feel like Odysseus being beckoned by sirens).

The energy surrounding Thursdays event, Ante Up for Africa, was something unlike anything I had ever seen. With the amount of celebrities and poker pros playing in this charity tournament that was started 3 years ago in order to raise money for relief in Darfur created this surreal-dream-like atmosphere. It was a great feeling for a great cause that has raised over 2 million dollars. ***Not to mention it put me an arms length away from Ben Aflec and my girl Val was to busy flirting with Matt Damon to remember that she was THERE WITH HER FRIENDS...Lucky BIATCH!

But hey, no worries. Because as adorable as Matt Damon may be, he is still only an actor, and at the WSOP that's second best. I, on the other hand, got the real deal. Peter Eastgate, the 22 year-old defending Champ himself, smiled at me. Yes him! Out of the 6,494 entrants in the main event this year I caught his eye!

I was in a frenzy. Seeing the ESPN featured table, legends like Phil Hellmuth, and just being so immersed in the energy of the WSOP had me itching to play some poker, and the fact I couldn't afford a 10K main event buy-in was not going to stop me. Oh no! I be ballin up in the Stratosphere with the $60 buy in. Yeah that's me at the final table, what did you expect? Starting chip stack was 4000 and in the end as chip leader I had over 60k+. I walked away with 500 bucks after we chopped the pot. Yep, I'm puttin that money towards the buy-in for WSOP 2010, hehe.

Then, of course, the 4th finally came around and we got our drink on...and on...and on...and sometime around 9 PM on the 5th, I came to my senses in the back seat of our car, leaving Sin City, with barely a recollection of this crazy whirlwind adventure.

All I can say is what an amazing 4th of July weekend...now I just need to remember if I saw fireworks or not ;p

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Have You Seen the Hang Over...Let's Hope I Wake Up Remembering Something

VEGAS BABY!! Encase you didn't notice I'm about to leave for Vegas let me reiterate VEGAS BABY!

What could be better than 4th of July week end in SIN CITY! I mean you know what happens in Vegas...and it case it doesn't I can always blame it on the A A-A-A Alcohol!

Shit! I mean I get to see the start of the WSOP main event, play in some tourneys, and Poker Palooza! Oh yeah! U know its going to be one drunken crazy week end where I can where my sunglasses at night and inside.

I seriously can't wait...seriously, like a super gay guy "seriously!" Sure its not going to be all play, I will be doing some work before I get to work it (damn strait!) Any way for What The Muck I got to hand out some lighters at Poker Palooza while I wear my Olivia Netwon-John super tight tank top that screams "WANNA MUCK" all across my chest. Yeah its hot...I looked in the mirror this morning and was like "Damn Shorty!"

It's all good though, before I start working I'll take a shot of patron. Two shots and it's on! But even still Poker Palooza I heard is more like a carnival than a trade show so all and all how bad can it be! Yup, I'm all packed up; bikini, patron, spliffs, little black dress, I'm ready to hit the road, check out the WSOP main event, party my ass off, and have a horrible hang over come Monday!

And in case I black out on Saturday...happy 4th of July peoples!

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A typical work day with orgasms & farts!!!

Who said creating a cartoon was the funnest thing on earth?

Well who ever said it forgot about the .0001% of the time when your like, "DAMN I'd rather being doing something else right now." Why do I say that? Well, you see the newest episode of What the Muck, titled "Pokergasm", deals with absurd poker tells (a poker tell is an unconscious impulse to behave a certain way depending on the strength of your hand). So naturally, we wrote the script with Debbie Deuce Dallas' never-once-failed-poker-tell is that she ORGASMS to "intimidate" other players to fold!

And when it came down to who should find the orgasm soundtracks during the weekend, the boys (Addison & Ethan) started fighting because they were both eager volunteers! The following Monday however, they came back empty-handed. I was like "we're you both too busy watching that you forgot to "listen" carefully?

Ha! LMFAO. I figured maybe their hands weren't free to take note of any good ones...

Anyway, I spent about a half hour looking for orgasm sounds, and it seems like everyone and their moms want to put up their own personal screams and is willing to give it away for free. But trust me, many sounds were totally not hot!! Like grunting wild beasts to squeaky fobby foreigners. Soon enough, I gave up. Once again, the boys jumped at the chance to find "the perfect moan". Addison found it after about 4 hours of watching / listening / whatever the hell was doing on the computer...in that back corner, with the lights off, blinds shut.. I saw some lotions too I think ;p

You're probably thinking that doesn't sound so bad (you might actually wish you could count listen to orgasms as "working") but I still have yet to mention the .0001% that made me cringe. You see, Cowboy Connor (my favorite chubby Muckster) has freaking disgusting poker tells, and one of them happened to be a long drawn out fart.

It was definitely not a surprise to find the boys weren't as excited about finding this sound effect as the orgasm...I I was yet again stuck searching for it. I went everywhere searching for the perfect fart, but after 30 minutes, I felt like gaging! "Please, someone, anyone, just find the fart." I pleaded with them. But all of a sudden they had "so much to do" (like wash their hands from listening to orgasms all day). So it was official. I had to stick it out and get the bloody job done.

Let me tell you, listening to farts is by far 1000000000000000 X less fun to listen to than orgasms. I can see why the boys passed. Ugh! And the images I had to sit through... for some reason people love to put their arses to the camera when they are wearing black spandex (some might find it "hot" but I just find it seriously disturbing...) I ended up closing my eyes through most of it and eventually, jackpot! Thank goodness the internet doesn't have smell-o-vision!

Now sit back, relax & enjoy the final product of POKERGASM!!! 

p.s. I know life could be worse -- I mean, I could have a normal job where I file papers for a law firm or something. So farts and orgasms...sure I'll take that any day.

p.p.s. If you are watching this at work, hmm, be sure to put on your headphones! 

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Behold! Lakers Victory Parade is upon us!

I'm still way too high (natural high, that is) from the AMAZING Lakers Victory Parade this morning. So I'm gonna let the Mucksters tell you & show you exclusive parade pictures HERE :)

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